How to Build an Unshakable Family: 3 Principles Every Highly Effective Man Must Live By

Lead your family with purpose, unity, and resilience—even in the middle of life’s chaos.

In this episode of The Highly Effective Man Podcast, JP Bolwahnn shares the 3 principles every man must live by to create an unshakable family:

1. Lead with consistent positive intention – especially with your kids, even when emotions run high.
2. Own your emotions and actions – no one can make you feel anything without your permission.
3. Build cohesion through shared experiences – create intentional moments that strengthen the bond.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated, reactive, or disconnected from your family, this episode will give you the tools to turn it around and lead from a place of strength.

📌 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• How to control your reactions when your kids push your buttons.
• The mindset shift that stops blame and builds trust.
• How to create family traditions and experiences that bring everyone closer.

📌 Resources & Links Mentioned in This Episode:
👥 Join The Highly Effective Man Community → Click Here

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Family Leadership
• 3:32 Lead with Positive Intention
• 5:32 Own Your Emotions and Actions
• 7:16 Build Cohesion Through Shared Experiences
• 10:12 Your Family Leadership Action Plan

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Welcome to the Highly Effective man podcast hosted by former Navy SEAL turned life and fitness coach. I'm your host, jp Bolwan. This podcast is your resource for unlocking the healthiest, most productive and highly effective man within you. Let's go. Productive and highly effective man within you, let's go. What's up, guys? Today we're going to talk about how to build an unshakable family and three principles that every highly effective man must live by so that you can lead your family with intention, unity and resilience, even in life's most chaotic moments. Okay, and there's three big topics that we're going to talk about. Number one we're going to talk about leading with consistent, positive intention, especially, you know, with your kids. Number two own your emotions and your actions, because no one can make you feel anything that you don't want to. And number three build cohesion through shared experiences, because that's what's going to strengthen the bond of your family.

Speaker 1: 1:15

Now, have you ever had one of those days where the kids are pushing every single one of your buttons and, before you know it, you're raising your voice? Every single one of your buttons, and, before you know it, you're raising your voice, your patience is gone and you're wondering what just happened. I lost my cool. How did I get there. Well, I've been there and, I'll be honest, sometimes I'm still there or I get there. But I've learned this okay Leadership at home isn't just about providing, protecting or setting rules. It's about the way we show up in the moments that that matter the most. Ok, especially when emotions are running high.

Speaker 1: 1:55

Now, when I left the SEAL teams and stepped into family life, I thought you know, in my mind, leadership is about making big calls, it's about setting the example, but what I've learned is that leadership at home it's measured in, like all those like small moments. Right, how do you speak when you're frustrated? Okay, how do you handle, you know, conflict with your wife and your kids and how do you spend your time intentionally together. Because these same principles are what made me effective in the teams, and it's clarity, ownership and unity. Okay, those are the ones where you build trust and love. Okay, and the same goes for at home. Now, you can be in peak shape, you can be crushing it at work, but if your family is distant, tense or disconnected, you're not truly winning, right, and you know that you take that with you to work and you can't be the most effective version of yourself. Right, healthy families are built and, as men, it's our job to lead that build. Okay, your family is your most important team and if you're reactive or disengaged, that team's going to drift all right. And if you lead with these three principles, you'll create a home that's strong, connected and unshakable. So let's talk about number one lead with consistent, positive intention, you know, and especially with your kids. Now, this is something I'm actively working on right now, and you know, if you're a dad Now, this is something I'm actively working on right now.

Speaker 1: 3:43

And you know, if you're a dad, you know that it's easy to let frustration take over. Kids know exactly how to push your buttons, and I've had moments where my tone is, you know, gotten sharp, my volume went up and I walked away feeling like I damaged the connection, you know, with my daughters. So lately, I've been making a deliberate choice to stop that. Okay. So if I feel like I'm getting triggered, I'll take a breath, I'll lower my voice and I'll focus on speaking in a way that builds trust and not fear. Now, it's not always perfect Trust and not fear. Now, it's not always perfect, but I can tell you this is that I can see the difference in how my kids respond when I talk to them in a lower voice and in a calm presence, and research shows that strong families have a positive surplus of interactions compared to negative ones. Often they say it's five to one, and this isn't about ignoring problems. It's about choosing your words, your actions and leaving your kids feeling like they're respected, even in a correction, because positive intention is a decision that you make in the heat of the moment. So you can either feed that connection or you can create distance. And those moments of frustration. Those are opportunities to lead and the tone you choose today will echo, for you know, in your relationship for years.

Speaker 1: 5:29

Now let's talk about number two own your emotions and your actions. Now, one of the most important shifts that I've made, or that I've learned, you know, with coaching and everything like that, is that understanding that nobody can make me mad. Okay, there's people that do things, but it's my thoughts about what they did that creates my own emotions. Okay, and that's a game changer, right, and I'll repeat that again. It's not what the person does or says, it's the thoughts about what they did or said that makes me feel whatever emotion. Okay, so instead of saying like, you made me mad, right, you're giving all the power to them. You know, you can say like I feel frustrated when this happened, and this is why it keeps the focus on why I felt frustrated, and it's not really blaming the other person. Now, low trust families play the blame game and high trust families take ownership, take ownership. So when you recognize that you're responsible for your own emotions, you gain complete control over your response, and that's true emotional freedom. Okay, so, owning your emotions, that doesn't mean that you're tolerating bad behavior. It means you're responding from a position of strength and not reactivity. And when you control your response, you set the emotional tone for your home, and that's leadership.

Speaker 1: 7:11

Now, number three is you want to build cohesion through shared experiences. Okay, and this one just kind of how do I say this? This one just kind of came up more recently, and it's because I went on a trip with my wife and my girls. We started out in Florida, visiting my mom, went to SeaWorld, we went to ride some fan boats and see some alligators and that was super cool. Then we flew to Seattle and visited some friends that have some kids about the same ages as our kids. We spent a day on the water watching the Blue Angels roar overhead. It was during the seafair that they have up in Seattle, and it was you know. It was a big party with friends. But at the end of that trip I was thinking, like man, that's one of the best trips that we've had as a family and, honestly, it's the closest that I've felt to them in a long time. And that trip reminded me that connection doesn't happen by accident.

Speaker 1: 8:15

Okay, you have to actually create space for it. Okay, and cohesion is built through intentional time together, the shared experiences, the jokes, the remember when you know moments, and that's the glue that holds the family together. If you do not prioritize those moments, life's going to fill your calendar for you and you're going to be missing out on it. So you have to make shared experiences a non-negotiable, because those will be the stories your family tells for the rest of their lives. Okay, and you know, inside the highly effective man community, we're not just talking about building bodies and sharpening our minds. We're learning how to lead our families with purpose. And if you want to be around other like-minded men who will hold you to that standard, then come join us. Right, this month, we're talking about tactical leadership and situational awareness, and it's all about showing up for the people who matter most our families, the people we work with and our friends.

Speaker 1: 9:28

Okay, now think of your family as your most important mission. Okay, positive intention is like your mission. Brief, right, it sets the tone for success. Ownership is your discipline under fire, right, it keeps the mission on track when things are getting messy or a little bit chaotic. And cohesion it's what keeps the team moving together. It's what ensures that everyone makes it home stronger. And on any other mission that you would prepare, you would plan and execute with everything you've got. So why should your family be any different? Now here's your action plan.

Speaker 1: 10:19

Okay, I want you to number one, lead with consistent, positive intention, especially in conflict with your kids. Number two, own your emotions, because nobody can make you feel anything without your permission. And number three, create shared experiences, because being intentional about it is what's going to matter. And if you got value from this, subscribe to the Highly Effective man podcast, share with a friend, leave a review and if you're ready to take your leadership and fitness mindset family to the next level, then join us in the Highly Effective man community today. Your family is your greatest mission. Lead them like it. Let's go If you want to work with me as your coach to help you get fit, be more productive and, in general, just be the most effective version of yourself. Head over to my site, higherlevelcoachingco Once again, that's higherlevelcoachingco and schedule a call with me there. Thank you again. Let's go.